Side Trails

Welcome to my hidden page. Let’s have some fun.

Here is my Campfire Story

Now this here is the honest truth, and if I’m stretchin’ it even a little, may every marshmallow I ever roast catch fire and turn black as coal.

I was walking home late one night, minding my own business, when outta the dark comes this dog. Well… I say dog, but that ain’t really right. Thing was too big for a dog. Maybe a wolf. Actually, no—looked more like somebody crossed a wolf with a bear and gave it a bad attitude. Big yellow eyes, teeth hanging out like steak knives, growling low enough to shake the dirt.

The second I saw it, I took off running.

And I mean running. I ran so fast my shoes were kicking sparks off the road. I hopped fences, flew over hedges, nearly cleared a chicken coop in one jump. Behind me I could hear that thing gaining ground, huffing and snarling like a freight train with rabies.

Then all at once—SNAP!

That beast grabbed hold of the back of my pants.

One shake and my britches came clean off me. Just gone. Didn’t slow me down none, though. I kept tearing through town in nothing but my underwear, moving so fast I swear I passed my own shadow twice.

Well wouldn’t you know it, of all nights, that happened to be the night of the town parade.

There comes the marching band, the baton twirlers, little kids waving flags, the mayor riding along smiling like he owned the place—and then here I come flying down Main Street in my drawers like a scared white bullet.

Band members missed notes. One lady dropped her funnel cake clean into the street. The mayor choked so hard on his cigar somebody had to slap him on the back.

But the crowd? Oh, they loved it.

People started cheering like I was part of the parade.

“LOOK AT HIM GO!”

“FASTEST MAN IN TOWN!”

Some kid even started running beside me waving a little American flag.

Now here’s where things got truly outta hand.

As I’m sprinting past city hall, my underwear somehow catches on the flagpole rope. Don’t ask me how. I still say the laws of nature took the evening off. One second I’m running, next second WHOOP—up I go like a fish on a hook.

There I was dangling twenty feet in the air by my underwear, twisting around over the whole parade route.

And for reasons nobody can explain, the band immediately started playing the national anthem.

Every single person stopped and put their hand over their heart.

Even that wolf-bear-dog thing sat down in the street looking respectful.

Well sir, before they could get me down, a big gust of wind came roaring through town. Next thing I know my underwear puffed up like a sail.

And off I went.

I floated clear over rooftops, barns, clotheslines, and one very surprised church picnic. Folks pointed up at me screaming like they’d seen a ghost made outta laundry.

I drifted over two towns before the elastic finally gave up the fight.

Dropped straight into a farmer’s haystack hard enough to scare every cow on his property.

So there I was: scratched up, covered in hay, barefoot, still pantsless, walking the last few miles home in the middle of the night.

When I finally stepped through the front door, my wife, Darla, was sitting there waiting for me with her arms crossed.

She looked at the mud on my face, the grass in my hair, and what little remained of my underwear.

Then she said, real calm:

“Again?’

🧩 What phrase does this picture puzzle portray?

Here’s A hint or two.

Phrase from the longest-running sitcom in the USA.

Has to do with the guy in front

Answer to puzzle

“Don’t have a cow, man!”

The picture below is a painting I did in 2020